Updated: Jan 10
Love is NOT a Transaction
"Close your eyes, fall in love, stay there." - Rumi
Love is not a business. It doesn't keep score or accounts. It accumulates no credits or points and seeks no awards.
Like the sun, which does not meter its constant flow of light, love by its very nature is unconditional. That means no conditions. It does not have prerequisites. It is not tit for tat (is that still an expression.) In short, it is not transactional. It is not a business deal.
But we human beings also have needs. We need people to help us and we do need some things to be transactional. The key to healthy relationships, of any kind, is to know when to just love, seeking nothing in return, and when we have to get something back for our efforts. The home is both. We become couples, learning to lovingly meet each other's needs, and taking enormous pleasure in doing so, is key to romantic bliss and longevity.
There is nothing more painful when that unconditional flow of care is lopsided. Eventually one begins to feel used and unappreciated, while the other is totally confused at the subtle (and not so subtle) bitterness that inevitably rises to the surface. Love is brutally honest with itself and infinitely patient with others. As always the key to experiencing this level of relationship maturity and happiness comes with understanding. We absolutely must be able to discern between:
The conditioned patterns that came about because of traumatic experiences, the majority of which happened in our vulnerable years and...
The individual being that wants nothing other than to be loved and to be able to love without fear of rejection
Is this a tall order? You bet. Is there a shorter alternative order? Nope! It comes down to this, we human beings have to come to see that love and love alone will save us from ourselves. With that love comes a wisdom that eventually perceives the innocent child in even the worst character. This sets us free from all hatred and makes us free to give without the need of reciprocity, because it always comes back in some form.
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